When I was a bit younger, I used to do personal internal work with an intuitive healer, and over the course of a few years, we had many sessions together. I felt there was nothing between heaven and earth that I wouldn't be able to share with her or that I ever regretted sharing after having done so. She had an amazing, beautiful ability to create a loving, safe space where whatever needed to come up and be addressed and looked at was allowed and welcomed.
And still, on every single call with her, I would start out by talking about something completely irrelevant as to why we were there. Now, don’t get me wrong, I always had things that I wanted to bring to the table, things that I wished to get a different perspective on, that I wanted to work on or talk about or that I felt needed healing. But the first few minutes would always be about something else. Not necessarily the weather – although I’m sure that actually was the case once or twice – but we would chit-chat about a little bit of this and a little bit of that. And from there we would move on to the deeper stuff, to whatever wanted our attention.
Then one day, she suddenly started laughing and said, “You know what you’re doing, Karolina? It’s like you’re always inviting me to walk around the block with you before we start going about our business. I mean, it’s very pleasant and nice and all that, and I’ll always allow you to do it, but you might want to look at what that’s about for you.”
What she said took me completely off-guard because I wasn’t even aware that this was something I did. But she was right. And in that moment, I realized that even though I completely trusted her and knew that no topic was ever off limits, this was my way of reconnecting with her, of re-finding our “we”. And as irrational and illogical as it might have been, I needed to be sure that the room was still strong and safe enough to hold whatever needed to be held that day.
Since then, I’ve noticed that this is actually something I often do with people. Everyone of us can have good and bad days and going for a walk around the block, literally or in conversation, brings an opportunity to check in to see where the other person is at in themselves before I move into a place in me that might feel vulnerable or painful – or exciting or joyful for that matter. It’s about having something to share or a desire to be seen and making sure that the other person on that very day, right there and then, is ready and in a place to receive and hold space.
This might seem like a considerate and thoughtful thing to do, and it certainly can be. But for me, it’s also a form of self-care. It’s about taking a moment or two to remember who we are to each other and creating the space in me where I feel ready to hear and be heard, to talk and to listen.
One of the most important things for me when having a conversation, whether in my personal life or as a life coach, is the feeling of safety. Rarely does honest sharing and true transformation take place if we are not feeling safe with the person we're talking to. I do think that we all have different ideas on what it is that makes a conversation feel safe. But when we can identify and become aware of what it is, we also create the possibility to ask for it, in case it's not present.
Wanna go for a walk?
In warmth,
Karolina
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